Tanya Vs Revy Prelude

Boomstick: This fan fiction of Death Battle is written by, PLCTheCd

DEATH BATTLE

Wiz: Tough women that duel wield pistols, such a deadly pair exists in beauty, precision, and sometimes all out carnage. Such as Agent Tanya from Red Alert!

Boomstick: Vs Revy from Black Lagoon! Not even I would dare piss them off! Well…in front of them at least. Also, because of the Soviets went back in time to erase Einstein from existence, we will be using the Red Alert 3 version of Tanya!

Wiz: I’m Wiz and he’s Boomstick and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who will in a Death Battle!



Background:
Name: Tanya
From: Red Alert 3
Played by: Jenny McCarthy (In Red Alert 3)
Height: 5’6 1/2 (Based on her actress, Jenny McCarthy)
Weight: Unknown (Petite, yet well-fit athletic body)
Age: Unknown (Appears to be in her mid 20s-early 30s)

Wiz: A brief rundown for those who never played the Red Alert games. The year was 1946, the one year anniversary of World War 2, the most destructive war known to mankind. Albert Einstein invented a time machine to go back in back time to erase one man responsible for the countless deaths of innocent people. Adolf Hitler.

Boomstick: Einstein landed in Landsberg, Germany, 1923 where he met Hitler who just got out of prison. He then erased the dictator out of existence by shaking his hand… man, Einstein must’ve rubbed his feet in carpet for a really long time to do this!

Wiz: Technology jumped in several decades ahead to the point where Longbow attack helicopters, tesla coils, and MiG jets appeared early as the 1940s. However, Einstein also inadvertently caused a new enemy to take the Nazis’ place, the Soviet Union lead by Joseph Stalin. This new Second World War was even more devastating than the last, but thankfully, the new Allies won the war and forced the surrendering Soviets to sign a declaration of peace… Then Red Alert 2 arrived with massive airships, and a Rasputin look-a-like who happens to be psychic.

Boomstick: Red Alert 3 on the other hand, is the RTS Willy Wonka would play. Since the Soviets lead by Dr. Frank N Furter erased Einstein himself from existence, this new timeline created The Empire of the Rising Sun lead by Sulu with mechas, a psychic schoolgirl, and lightsaber katanas!

Wiz: To combat the two enemies around the globe, the Allies have their top commando. Agent Tanya!

Boomstick: Armed with dual pistols, unlimited supply of C4, and even a freaking belt that lets her go back in time! Tanya brings fear in the hearts of the average Soviet soldier…plus, an erection in their-

Wiz: Moving along! If you are wondering why we are telling the backstory of the Red Alert series instead of Tanya’s is because she is a great danger to her enemies. So any information about her is a closely guarded secret, the following include but not limited to: place of birth, last name, military rank, marital status, weight, height, shoe size, number of confirmed kills, age, and hell, even if she’s a real blonde or not is a complete mystery!

Boomstick: What we do know is how much she kicks ass in the battlefield. Armed with two Black Buzzard pistols, which is clearly a copyright friendly name of the Desert Eagle pistols. She can faster than your average assault rifle. Or if you’re not a gun nut like yours truly, an average M-16, can fire 700-950 rounds per minute, which means Tanya can shoot the Commies faster and aim better than your average soldier! Think you can order her to make a sandwich? She’ll reply with a bullet to your head!

Wiz: Also, with an unlimited supply of C4, not even building and vehicles are safe from her destruction. The amount she can carry is extraordinary and is always enough to blow it up into smithereens. Think that you’re safe in the water? Tanya can swim and packs enough explosives to sink warships many times her size! According to the Deadliest Warrior episode with the Navy Seals Vs the Israeli Commandos, a single pound of C4 has 270 psi or enough to blow up a rowboat with two people. So, imagine the amount needed, to blow up say, a battleship!

Boomstick: LOTS of boom that is! She can swim like Aquaman without tiring out and sink ships. But even that pales to her secret weapon…

Wiz: Tanya dons the prototype FutureTech Time Belt, with it, she can travel back to where she was five seconds in the past. Whenever she makes a mistake or in great danger, she can jump back where she was, negating any injuries she sustained.

Boomstick: Man, wish I have that, I would’ve avoided all those lawyer fees and child support.

Weapons and Equipment:

• Two Black Buzzard Pistols:
• Fires just as fast, if not faster than a machine gun.
• Unlimited Ammo
• Short Range
• Can kill almost any infantry in one shot

C4 Plastic Explosives:

• Unlimited Amount
• Always carries enough to blow up buildings, ships, and vehicles sky high.
• A bane of a turtling player with no base defenses
• Never seems to get caught in the explosion, no matter how close.

Time Belt: (Skip near the end)

• Experimental device that lets her jump back five seconds from where she was in the past
• Used for whenever the unlikely event she gets into danger
• Any injuries she sustained before using the belt will go away, essentially healing her.
• Has a cooldown time before she can use again.

Wiz: Oh, and since the Allied Campaign is canon thanks to the Uprising expansion, we will cover her feats.

Boomstick: Like the time she rescued the Allied VIPs in France to forming a truce with the Soviets against the Empire of the Rising Sun of sinking a Floating Fortress, which is of course, a fortress that floats. Think of it as Red Alert’s answer to One Piece’s Thriller Bark or Metal Gear Solid 2’s Arsenal Gear.



Wiz: This truce however brought the ire of President Ackerman who believed the Soviets cannot be trusted even going as far as rebelling against the Allies to attack Moscow using Mt. Rushmore as a Superweapon. A very ingenious idea that man had, but the Allies, including Tanya were forced to kill the President.




Boomstick: Bbbbut then, it turns out that Cave Johnson was actually correct, as the Soviets backstabbed the Allies on the Invasion of Japan, forcing the Allies to fight two sides again in a ménage-a-trois of a war. Eventually, the Allies succeeded and the Allied Commander both got a ménage-a-trois himself…or herself with both Tanya and Eva the communications officer!

Feats and Physicality:

• Can swim tirelessly in any open body of water
• Expert Markswoman
• Fast shooter
• Rescued the Allied VIPS in France
• Formed a truce (Albeit grudgingly) with the Soviets against the Empire of the Rising Sun
• Manage to fight both the Empire and the Soviets when the latter betrayed the Allies
• Lead the Allies to victory
• Can kill someone in 15 different ways according to President Ackerman

Wiz: Agent Tanya is both seductive and violent, however she isn’t without any flaws.

Boomstick: You know that kick-ass Time Belt she carries? Well, the funny thing is, that it turns out the said belt as a recharge time so she can’t always use it whenever she needs it. Her pistols also have shorter range that most infantry, leading her stick out in the sore thumb against longer ranged enemies.

Wiz: Furthermore, she is the slowest of the commandos, and can be overwhelmed by anti-infantry, base defenses, and air strikes. Most of her accomplishments are only down by the brilliant commander’s orders.

Boomstick: Also, she’s not exactly well defended since she only wears an Armored Bra for protection. That can’t be comfortable…or practical in that matter…

Weaknesses:

• Aside from an armored bra, she is unarmored
• Of the factions’ commandos, she is also the slowest
• Can be overwhelmed by mass numbers, anti-infantry, and air strikes (May not be applicable for this fight)
• Guns are short range
• Used to taking commands and not by herself (I.E the player)
• Time Belt has a slow cooldown time, leaving her vulnerable

Wiz: Despite all of this, Agent Tanya has supported the Allies into winning the war, and accomplished many missions that would often take an army by herself.

Boomstick: Agent Tanya is one hot commando of the Allies, that can blow you away both literally and figuratively!

(Tanya: Somebody’s always gotta clean up the mess!)

Background:



Name: Revy...
First Appearance: Black Lagoon Volume 1 (2002)
Aliases: Rebecca Lee, Two Hands
Height: 5'5
Weight: 125 lbs.
Occupation: Pirate and mercenary

Boomstick: Ahh, Revy. If there are words to describe her, it’s: She’s sexy, badass, and psychotic as all hell.

Wiz: She spends her life as the go-to killer and muscle for the pirate group Black Lagoon. However, Revy wasn’t always like this.

Boomstick: Yeah, you might want some tissues after you’re done reading this. It turns out that she grew up in New York’s Chinatown with a drunken asshole of a father and the dealing with the racist cops as a kid.

Wiz: Finally fed up with the abuse, she then snapped and killed her sorry excuse of a dad, and grew up to be part of Black Lagoon.

Boomstick: Where she serves as their hitman and hired muscle in Roanapur, think the seediest part of Bangkok and multiply that about a dozen times, and there you go.

FEATS:

Took out five heavily-armed boats, single-handed
Killed a ship-full of trained Neo-Nazis
Fought Roberta throughout the entire night (Revy considered the loser)
Held off Roanapur's best bounty hunters

Wiz: Revy is ambidextrous and he weapon of choice are dual modified Beretta 92Fs pistols, dubbed “Cutlasses” she is so proficient in them, that she is simply known as “Two-Hands”

Boomstick: But before you make any sexual jokes about it, Revy will blow your head off more than a hundred feet away. Plus, she’s not picky with her guns, she will carry sniper rifles and grenade launchers to give more literal bang for their buck!

CUTLASS PISTOLS:

Beretta 92FS pistols

Modified
Contains up to 13 bullets each
9 millimeter rounds
Built-in silencers

Revy's preferred weapons
Dual-wielded
What earned Revy the nickname "Two Hands"
Maximum range of up to 164 feet

ADAPTABILITY:



Revy comfortable with multiple weapons
Has wielded rocket launchers and assault rifles with relative ease

Wiz: Revy is determined, quick, and psychotic. She survived many wounds and continued fighting as long as she can kill her enemies. Furthermore, she cleared a U-Boat full of Neo-Nazis by herself and Dutch.

Boomstick: Or the time she got into one big catfight with Roberta, where they were slugging at each other for hours throughout the night, with only Revy only losing because Roberta got up first.

PHYSICALITY:


Fought Roberta for hours, resulting in both of them being knocked out
Considered loser because Roberta regained consciousness first
Has dodged bullets
Got stabbed by knives and continued fighting

Wiz: Then when Revy gets completely pissed off, she enters a psychotic state known as Whitman Fever, where instead of a burning rage you typically see in other media. Revy, simply undergoes a tranquil fury of destruction in her wake.

Boomstick: At this state, Revy can’t tell or even care who’s friend and foe, and kills anyone that she sees. Sheesh, she’s even scarier than my ex-wife!

WHITMAN FEVER...

Happens when she's particularly angered
Becomes oddly emotionless
Loses her trademark smirk
Kills everything in sight
Wiz: While she is indeed a formidable fighter, Revy’s temper does much harm for her as it does good.

Boomstick: Plus, as much as she’s rocking in those pair of denim shorts, they don’t exactly provide protection, and is always eager to kick ass. Sometimes, she bites off more than she can chew!

WEAKNESSES...

Lack of armor
Bad temper
Always looking for a fight

Wiz: Nonetheless, for those who are dumb enough to cross her learned the hard way, with a bullet to the skull!

Boomstick: Revy is one tough bitch you don’t to mess with!

(Rock: Revy, what're you planning to do?
Revy: Listen, why don't you take a break from the casual conversation about your world? 'Cuz right now, I need to focus on THIS world.)